Listen and check understanding · S9.6

Make room for a different emotional response

Someone reacts differently from how you expected.

Everyday practice

Try these steps

1. Notice your expectation without turning it into a rule for their feelings.
2. Ask an open question such as 'What was that like for you?'
3. Summarize what you heard before sharing your own response; you can hold a different view while understanding theirs.

An example

I thought the change would be welcome, but you sound unsettled. What concerns you about it?

Reflect

What did you learn that your initial expectation missed?

Next time

Use the person's own words when you revisit the topic.